


purple–

by oliwellwhocares



Series: no fucking way [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hair Dyeing, Mental Breakdown, gay little discussions, the inherent humor in feeling like shit and being a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliwellwhocares/pseuds/oliwellwhocares
Summary: Sakura dyes her hair for lesbian reasons. Sasuke dyes his for emo reasons. Naruto's a natural blond, which makes him the normie friend.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Series: no fucking way [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106423
Comments: 11
Kudos: 23





	1. pink skies

**Author's Note:**

> work and chapter title are inspired by miss taylor swift's invisible string! stream folklore and evermore

At 8 years old, Sakura is terribly jealous of Ino for being just _so good_ at being a girl. It all seems to come to her effortlessly. She’s got long blond hair, a pretty face, a cute laugh and crushes on boys, and she’s not even trying. Sakura decides that if Ino can do it, she surely can, too. And so what if she has to try a little harder. She’ll get pretty hair, and a pretty voice, and a fantastic laugh, and she’ll learn to blush prettily when boys talk to her. And Ino will be jealous, so jealous of her, just like Sakura is now. The tables will turn.

So she dyes her hair pink, steals her mom’s mascara, practices smiling in front of the mirror, and gets a crush on Sasuke.

When she’s 19, Sakura thinks that was pretty fucking lesbian of herself. 

Honestly, how do you spend years constantly thinking about what a _girl_ is thinking of you, how this _girl_ is going to dress tomorrow, wishing you could be as pretty and cool as this _girl_ , and still manage to convince yourself that you’re heterosexual. And that you have a crush on this boy, who’s not even pretty, and clearly hates you, and you think it’s so cool that he’s not into you. But you know, it’s because of heterosexual reasons like the beauty of a tragic love. Absolutely not some lesbian reason, like the fact that actually dating a boy terrifies you.

“But Sasuke is pretty, though.”

She doesn’t glare at Naruto because she doesn’t want to mess up the bleach he’s applying to her roots. His bathroom wall ends up as her unfortunate victim.

“This is a time for _my_ gay feelings, Naruto. We can talk about yours later.”

“It’s not a gay feeling, he’s just pretty. You used to think so too!”

“I was a baby. I’m a lesbian now and boys are ugly.”

“Oh, okay, it makes sense.”

He pushes her head forward, getting to work on the last of the brown, hidden above her nape. Some places in her scalp are really starting to burn, so it’s a relief it’s almost over.

“Anyway. I used to think Ino was pretty too, but I was right about this one. I was hoping figuring out lesbianism would help me figure out how to flirt, but it’s not working out.”

“Didn’t she deliver you flowers last week-end though? Maybe she knows how to flirt.”

“No, she doesn’t. And those were just excess from her shop, they were going to die during her trip to Suna if she didn’t give them to someone.”

“She did give them to you, though,” Naruto says.

Well, she did. But a lot of her friends went to Suna with her. There’s Lee who’s going to see Gaara, and Kiba who’s going to see Kankuro. Tenten and Shikamaru are vehemently denying that they’re going to see Temari, and Ino and Choji are going to make fun of Tenten and Shikamaru for going to see Temari. Well, officially they’re all going for diplomatic reasons, of course.

Anyway, this didn’t leave Ino with a lot of options. Maybe Sakura was the last on her list, and the Hyuugas are all allergic to flowers, and Shino’s insects would just eat all of them, and Sai… Well, there was surely a reason why she couldn’t give them to Sai. So she simply had no choice but to deliver Sakura enough flowers to fill her living room. If anything, she had probably done it with regret.

She’s got the feeling Naruto would make fun of her for saying that, so she keeps quiet while he finishes up, and tries to sound as casual as possible when she says “Well, let’s have some tea.”

She’s out of the bathroom quick enough to pretend she doesn’t hear him answering “Wait, I don’t think you’re done talking about your gay feelings!”

He follows her into the living room, where he doesn’t have the time to call her out further, because Sasuke is here and staring at her.

“What’s that on your head.”

He’s so fucking _rude_.

“Bleach.”

Naruto is getting on this tea business, which, considering the size of his kitchen, is _not_ a two-people business. So she has the misfortune of being stuck there, looking at Sasuke’s dumb face. 

“You bleach your hair?”

Oh, she has a horrible feeling.

“You do know pink’s not my natural hair color, right?”

She’s met with a contemptuous stare, which everyone (that is, Naruto and herself) knows mean that he’s feeling really stupid and trying to cover it up. 

Unfortunately for him, he’s been mildly better, but still far from doing any kind of acceptable effort to be friends with her. So she’ll be merciless. 

“Sasuke, how are you this fucking stupid?”

His stare becomes even meaner. This is hilarious. Naruto obviously thinks so too, she can hear him cackle from the kitchen behind her. 

“Didn’t you also dye your hair at the Academy, Sasuke?” he yells.

He says it so casually too, like he didn’t just give Sakura the best information ever.

She raises an eyebrow, trying to look as casual as possible. Sasuke is getting _incredibly_ red, from an emotion he would surely assure them is anger. Yes, he has _finally_ been seeing a therapist, but no one can work miracles in two months. 

After a minute of Sasuke’s face getting redder and Sakura’s eyebrow raising higher, Naruto pokes his head from the kitchen.

“You didn’t know that Sakura?”

“No, I didn’t,” she says, being careful to sound as smug as possible. “What color? Was it black because you thought your hair wasn’t dark enough?”

Sasuke’s face twists into an extremely weird and absolutely hilarious shape, which immediately sends Naruto to the ground from the sheer ugliness of it, and Sakura too, because of the confirmation that she’s _right._

She can vaguely hear Sasuke step around her, grumbling something about the tea, but _goddamn._ She can really picture this 12 year old loser thinking that all those stupid kids really need to know that he’s _mad_ , about _everything_ , and then drenching his hair in dye while convinced that this is definitely the best solution. 

She does have to mentally step around the fact that maybe if someone had really understood how angry he really was, things might have gone a lot better.

There’s nothing she could do about it, so it was way better to picture a young Sasuke staring at his completely unchanged hair in the mirror, and being extremely satisfied with his rebellious act. 

She spreads her arms on the ground. Sasuke comes back, carefully carrying a tray.

“Hey Naruto.”

She can feel him shifting next to her, still giggling. “Yeah?”

“How did you know that?”

“I found him doing it in the Academy’s bathroom.”

She snorts. 

“Hey loser, why did you do it at the Academy?”

“Dad hated when I messed up the house’s bathroom,” he answers over the soft sound of tea pouring.

Oh.

“You should talk to your therapist about it.”

A silence, then the sound of liquid hitting another cup.

“Hm.”

Well, that’s as good an answer as she’s gonna get. And they’re not friends after all.

“What kind of tea is it?”

“Green,” answers Naruto, “with mint.”

“Ew.”


	2. the blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She hesitates for a second, but the possibility that Sasuke was _hiding from her in the bathroom_ delights her so much that she’s opening the door in the next breath.  
> As it turns out, Sasuke’s not hiding from her. He’s bleaching his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW PLEASE READ: there's like. a very very vague allusion to self harm in this chapter, be careful with that! just in general, this is a chapter about a mental breakdown and there's some allusion to canon-typical violence so yeah. don't worry it's still dumb

When Sakura gets to the apartment, the door is unlocked, which mildly surprises her. Naruto never locks it, but he’s been gone for 2 days now, and she thought Sasuke would definitely lock it, and maybe even put a chair behind the door for good measure. But he didn’t, since she gets inside with absolutely no trouble.

The living room is empty, and that, at least, is what she was expecting. Sasuke probably jumped out the window the moment he heard her coming.

There aren’t actually that many plants in Naruto’s apartment. And anyway, they would most definitely survive a week without water and Naruto talking to them. Both he and Sakura know that, and yet she had nodded very seriously when he had asked her to check up on them.

_“Yeah, sure. Who knows what could happen. They may die.”_

_“Exactly! Or maybe they’ll miss me so much, they’ll start acting up!”_

_“Don’t worry, I won’t leave them alone.”_

They had both grinned, and Sasuke had glared at them, obviously not happy about being _subtly_ baby-sitted. Still, it’s like he would ever admit that he was paying enough attention to know they were not talking about plants, so.

Here she is. Plants are watered, and Sasuke’s not here, but the apartment seems fine, and she hasn’t heard anything about him acting up, so the mission’s probably accomplished. She’s considering taking the risk of glancing into the bedroom when she hears something hitting the ground in the bathroom, followed by a soft “fuck.”

She hesitates for a second, but the possibility that Sasuke was _hiding from her in the bathroom_ delights her so much that she’s opening the door in the next breath. 

As it turns out, Sasuke’s not hiding from her. He’s bleaching his hair.

Seating on the floor, leaning his torso above the bathtub, which really emphasizes his freakish height. He’s twisting around to look at her while still visibly trying to keep the product in his hair from dripping to the floor. It’s a bit useless, considering that there’s a bunch of it splattered next to his feet already.

This is… This is the most pathetic mess Sakura has ever witnessed. What the FUCK is she supposed to do.

To be fair, Sasuke visibly attempted to bleach his very dark hair, without a mirror, and with only one arm. That’s a difficult task for anyone. Even considering the circumstances, the result is probably the worst possible outcome. It looks like the dye was dumped on his head, creating clumps of product, strands that are already pale blond, and then a random half of his hair still perfectly black and untouched. Oh hell, half of his eyebrow is also blond. 

In what she thinks is a heroic effort, Sakura refrains herself from laughing, even a little bit. It is objectively _hilarious_ , and Sasuke is an expert in looking stupid but he’s never looked _this_ stupid. However. He is obviously having a mental breakdown. There’ll be time to laugh about it later.

“Dude. You’re a mess.”

Okay, maybe not the most diplomatic thing she could have said, but in her defense, this is one hell of a case. 

“I am aware,” he answers, tone as blank as she has ever heard him. And Sasuke puts a lot of care in sounding as emotionless as possible on a daily basis, so. This is.

Yeah, okay, she still doesn’t like him, but this is worrying.

“Are you going to bleach it all?”

“I don’t know.” His eyes drop slowly on the product decorating the floor. He may be noticing its existence just now. 

“How would I do that?”

His eyes move really slowly. Oh fuck, did he take anything? She does _not_ want to deal with Sasuke on drugs.

“You seem to have the first steps going,” she says, and he just stares at her.

After a second, she realises. “Oh. Oh, no, you know we’re still not friends. I’m checking up on you, but dude, I’m not dyeing your hair.”

“Yes.”

Well. At least he knows. 

“I can. I can do it.”

Oh. Now this kinda sounds like he’s talking about something else. What—

“Sakura you know I’m sorry.”

Fucking shit.

“It sucks to see you because every time I remember another shitty thing I did to you and like. That sucks so I’m sorry for all of that but I don’t know where to go from there because I can apologise every day but it’s not like it’ll ever be enough for all these times i did my best to like. Fucking destroy you.”

“Sasuke.”

“Sorry I can’t stop. But honestly it’s fine like you don’t want to be friends so really that’s best because fuck if I had to be friends with you—”

“Okay Sasuke you’re clearly spiraling. It’s fine, let it out, but focusing on physical things might help.”

“—on top of managing to not be so shitty that you try to kill me again,” he keeps going without even taking a breath, “I don’t know how I would do that.”

“Start by rinsing your hair. You can’t leave bleach in it for too long, especially a mess like that.”

“So in the end—” the water cuts him off. It’s loud, echoing on the bathroom wall, but she can still faintly hear his voice rambling about friendship. He didn’t even consider the showerhead, and Sakura is looking at him, head under the faucet, black and dirty blond and ugly brown hair dripping, and when he cuts the water off he’s saying, “And it must be like, so fucking hard to be you.”

And then, she just has to laugh. 

“Fuck, you know what. It sure is.”

He looks at her quizzically, finally silent for a second, and then: “it looks like it.”

“Well, it’s not like being you looks particularly easy either.”

He frowns, obviously even more confused. His expressions are strange, like that. They look a little more like a normal person’s than usual, but still with an undercurrent of anger that seems to run too deep to be affected by his nervous breakdown.

Damn. It sure doesn’t look easy to be him. 

“I’m an asshole, though. It looks harder to be you.”

“Okay, sure. You should clean up what’s on the floor,” she says, sitting down on the toilet. Not the most dignified position, but there’s not much dignity in this room at the moment. 

“You don’t even kill anyone. And you work at the hospital, it would be so easy.”

She thinks: he’s talking a lot about death. I should hide the sharp objects in here.

She doesn’t think about killing, most of the time. Not about what she did, and what she tried to do either. She’s trying to compartmentalise, is the thing. Still, it’s not like she never thinks about it: looking at Sasuke and explaining all the reasons why she wanted him dead. And maybe he should hear about the fact that sometimes she still does. 

That’s what she thinks, sometimes. But there’s a difference between thinking and believing, and violence will always be a part of her thoughts. Of all of them, probably, because that’s the sort of things a war does to you. But she doesn’t believe in it anymore. 

Sasuke is still talking. 

“You’re like, kind all the time. And even with me. It fucks.”

She can’t help but be fascinated by the way a breakdown apparently makes Sasuke talk like a grandpa trying to sound cool. 

He’s scooping the dye from the floor with his fingers and dumping it in the bathtub. It’s not the method Sakura would have chosen, but at least it makes him turn his back for long enough that she can slip the razor next to the sink into her pocket. 

“Naruto needs that,” he says.

Shit.

“I think Hinata fucks too.”

For a second, Sakura feels dizzy with all the thoughts that come to her at the same time. _You know who Hinata is_ and _So do I keep the razor_ and _What does she have to do with Naruto_ and _What do you mean she fucks,_ and then, _Oh, not like, sex, thank gods._ And then _Okay but really why do you speak like that._

“She’s like. Hardcore,” he continues. 

Sakura keeps the razor, decides to just accept Sasuke’s new vocabulary, and settles on: “You know Hinata?”

“Yes.”

He offers nothing more, and stares at the bunch of product left on the floor.

“Do you want a towel?”

“Yes,” he says again. And then: “For a while I wondered if you were a lesbian because of me but I think actually that’s not how it works.”

She smiles again, passing him a towel she recognises as one she already used when bleaching her hair. It’s not like Naruto would care, but she does, a little bit. She thinks Sasuke does too. 

“Yeah, no, it’s not because of you, and it’s not how it works,” she answers.

Silence again, while he rinses the towel off. When he turns to her, he’s frowning a little bit more. Strangely, it’s sort of reassuring. He looks more like himself. 

“I’ve wondered if Naruto’s gay because of me too.”

Okay, maybe not quite back to normal.

“You know what, maybe it does work like that in this case. Are you gay because of Naruto?”

“I’m not gay,” he answers.

Which.

Just.

“Okay, we’re not gonna get into that,” she decides. “Have you decided what to do with your hair?”

He pulls on some mixed blond and brown strands, tugging them in front of his eyes. It makes his eyes cross a little. 

Sakura’s smile gets wider.

“This was a mistake,” he finally says. “I’ll just dye it black again.”

“Hm, you’ll need to redo the roots often, though.”

“How often?”

“Well, when I didn’t want anyone to notice, I used to do it every week.” She grins. “I guess it worked, right?”

Sasuke rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I could do every one or two weeks.”

He probably could, is the thing. Today’s mess isn’t really representative. Sasuke’s an incredible ninja, an impressive person in general, even if he’s an asshole, and it probably wouldn’t bother him too much to learn to dye his hair all alone, with one hand. 

“Are you gonna tell Naruto?”

He shrugs, which means _unlikely._ He’ll probably notice anyway, after a month or two.

She doesn’t know if she’ll be there, in this bathroom, during those first months, before Naruto inevitably is.

Sasuke hangs the towel, turns to her with his ugly hairdo and usual frown, and says: “I bought some fucking black tea, by the way.”

“Thank god,” she says.

She thinks that maybe, she will be. They're gonna have fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!! i managed to do what i wanted for this chapter but i'm not sure it's very clear to anyone else but me. anyway please leave me comments and tell me your thoughts! the next parts will be from the pov of other girls bc i think girls deserve to be mean to sasuke  
> also come talk to me on twitter for sasuke updates and unhinged tweeting about The Untamed @oliwellwhocares

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! i'm so happy to still be writing sasuke fanfiction in the year of our lord 2021, please leave comments and kudos to encourage my crimes!!!


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